The old saying goes ‘People come into your life for a reason and a season.’ That means that we will meet people in life that will provide much value and friendship in our lives, then move on. Some people are not meant to be in your life forever, no matter how close and how much you love each other. If we are blessed, we can always think back to some of life’s hard lessons to learn. Lessons that changed our lives! Everyone has those life stories, including this one.
Once upon a time I had a friend. A sister to me in life that I never had in my family. My best friend! All of a sudden something in the world ‘shifted,’ and the relationship fell apart. When this happened it was like the universe wrenched and moved. I give my friendships my heart, body and soul, so this was devastating!
I know. Some people might say ‘Don’t do that!’ Don’t give everything to anyone. It’s not that easy when you’ve wanted a sister all of your life. I felt abandoned as a child, pretty much growing up without my mother for the first 10 years of my life. I lived with relatives, shifting back and forth to various family members until my mother was ‘ready’ to take responsibility for me. I didn’t meet my father until I was grown, married, with children. I was 10 when my mother came to get me. I was 17 when I left the house for good.
Needless to say, there are a lot of insecurities that fed into that relationship as a child growing up without parents. So you can probably see why I gravitated to having someone I called my sister. Friendships were rare as I was always moving and was wary and insecure around people. Then, one day I met a sister-friend who touched my heart, body, and soul.
Sometimes as life happens, the Universe shifts and you find that it is necessary to make changes in your life. Friendships and relationships dissolve for one reason or another. Anger, hurt, love, and trust issues. All of these emotions and feelings can close the door to friendships, and no matter how much you want to reach out and fix it, it is not always a good choice. I’ll tell you a story about a lost friendship. One that affected me more than anything else in my life. I still feel the loss, some 6+ years later.
A Shift In The Universe
To me, this means “God” has something else for us. We meet people in our life for a reason. We may be the vehicle for a transition to the next phase of our lives. Or we may need to learn something so we can move forward to bigger and better things. We grow up hoping to learn or to be a better person. Sometimes people we meet are meant to kick-start us in a new direction. They may provide energy, love, information, education, or anything that is needed to get us moving in a new direction or to get us through a bad time. Who knows! It’s painful and sad to lose a dear friend, but I guess it was not meant to be a forever friendship. I had to acknowledge that, as sad as it was.
Preparing Ourselves For Life Changes
Friendships form for a while like loving sisters. I thought it would last forever. An amazing thing! But sometimes things do fall apart and you can’t put your finger on why? It could be a misunderstanding or jealousy of other relationships you develop with others. It could be anything. Lifestyles are different, people get divorced, people change from trauma and sickness. Or maybe you’re a friend or a husband and you just outgrow each other. Either way, the hurt and absence of that person after years and years of friendship can still be heart-breaking and the absence and hurt never seems to go away.
What Did I Learn?
Change is Inevitable, but Growth is optional. Life happens! People change. People grow differently due to their own life circumstances. “They come into your life for a reason and a season.” That’s supposed to bring some type of comfort when you’re feeling sad or bad over the loss. It doesn’t always help.
Once Upon A Time. There Were Two Friends…
Two lonely souls that met at a time when each of us needed something in our lives. Neither of us would have been able to pick what that something was, but it brought us together for years as sister-friends. We traveled together, danced together, ate together and became a part of each other, as only sisters could. We were family. Then one day, it fell apart and I suffered silently for years from the loss with a face like none of it bothered me. I still miss her to this day!
She was the sister I never had. She was a cancer survivor (recent at the time). I had just separated from my husband as we tried to work things out. We were two lost souls connecting at a time when we needed ‘someone’. We randomly came together to become friends. Just in having someone to talk to, spend time with and ‘just be.’ No pressure on either of us as we danced, traveled and socialized together in our very large dance community.
What The Heck Happened?
I’m not sure what happened. Strain as my circle of friends started to expand. In-sensitivities to the growth of each of us that we could have done together, if we had taken a breathe and tried not to fight. We should have resolved our issues. But she wanted things to stay the same. I wanted her and additional people in my life. Life just doesn’t stay the same, ever. It wouldn’t have taken anything away from her, but that wasn’t something she understood. I think the issues were little things, but we both wanted what we wanted and after years – we parted. No longer speaking. Different friends meet different needs and as our world expanded, life made some major changes for us.
I would have never deserted her. She was my sister and I loved her like the sister I never had. I miss her dearly to this day. But life is about growth, so it didn’t work out. We stopped speaking. It was heartbreaking. Sometimes I think I feel the ‘need’ or ‘want’ coming from her to talk. I also want to reach out but don’t know where to start. I assume both of us are afraid of rejection. There is an occasional ‘nod’ but that’s it. Now, after all these years have passed, I have no idea what to say. So I say nothing. Sad 🙁 I have never gotten over it, but we still move on.
Life Lessons – A Reason and A Season
Eyes glide by as if we are strangers. Maybe an occasional nod if we see each other at a dance. I don’t know what she feels, but I still feel that sadness. I imagine one day we’ll pause and stop and talk. God only knows if that will happen. But God is in control. No one else. So, I’ll leave it up to Him. I think He put this on my heart to write and release it.
Live, Let Go, and Move On When It’s Time
This is not the first time nor will it be the last when a person comes into your life, then exits. I recently lost another friend that I knew for 40+ years. She listened to others and didn’t look at the person (me) that she has known all those years. The truth is other women (who came into our circle) shared their secrets with me. When they thought about it, I guess they became afraid I would tell my sister-friend what they said. Funny thing is — it never even entered my mind because those were their issues and not mine and I didn’t care enough to share anything they said ’cause it wasn’t my business.
So they sabotaged our relationship and she fell for it. Even now, I have not told her what they said. I’m still working on trying to forgive and forget on that one. It is fresh and raw and hurts my heart for the loss. I can never go back there. Moving on is sometimes the only option. That hurt was too deep. My heart was broken, and there is nothing worse than not being able to fix it.
We live much longer now, so much of life can be filled with thousands of distractions that may pull close friends in different directions.
The thing to realize is that it’s nobody’s fault. Hard lessons to learn are tough. All relationships are about learning and/or growing experiences where people adjust to change. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not. We should look closely at what we walk away from. Hopefully, we can find something positive and it can be repaired. If we stop and breathe, take away the anger and hurt of the situation and access the ‘why’ by looking deep within, we will understand why that person came into your life. This will help us forgive and appreciate the time we had together as friends.
Accept the beauty of whatever was in the relationship. We shared many years of fun, laughter and togetherness. But apparently, it was time to move on, even though she was a true sister. There are no magic words of advice or a cure for growing and healing pains that comes with emotions.
Reconciliation? To Anyone Who’s Been There
Have you been in such a situation? If so, look deep. Lessons to learn can cause hurt, anger, and pain. But after time, you may be able to look at the lesson, the core of the relationship, and see the ‘why’ of it all. You may walk away with peace in your heart. Maybe there’s a place for love there again? If the love of the relationship was real, reconciliation is always possible. Some of the hard lessons we learn in life are Forgiveness, Love, Letting Go, and Moving On.
Once upon a time I had a sister for a little while. She started out as my friend but she was a true sister. There are no magic words or cures for growing apart. Only time and God heals. I am grateful for the time we spent together and the bond we had. I miss the beauty of our sister-friendship. I’ve always loved you and miss you Denise Greene, my sister friend. I hope all is well with you, forever and ever.